Okay, I admit it. I've been procrastinating. I have a plot outline for Book II of the Legacy Trilogy, a character map, and a notebook full of interesting descriptions for the setting. I've even drafted out a couple of chapters. I have a research trip to Chicago scheduled this fall to make sure my setting is accurately depicted. But I just can't get motivated to write.
I can think of a myriad of excuses that you've all heard before - not feeling well, too busy, blah...blah...blah...But the bottom line is that I'm just not motivated. I wouldn't even say it's due to writer's block (whatever that is). I wake up at 4:00 with my head full of ideas and conversations for my characters. I just can't make myself get to the computer to begin writing. Maybe I need to take a break. After all, I've cranked out two novels in three years. That's pretty good isn't it? The truth is, it's just downright laziness.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the small things and find that it's easier to procrastinate than get to work on the details that are holding me back. I need to update my blog page and reach out to other bloggers, update my marketing plan and email list, explore the idea of a video trailer, and on and on. When I retired from education in 2012, I swore that I would no longer be tied to someone else's deadlines. That's why I elected to self-publish. I wanted to be my own boss.
In the beginning I was excited to finally be able to pursue my own interests and do what I really loved, but I admit that the new has worn off. While I still love to write and believe that I have stories to tell that others would like to read, it's beginning to feel like work again. And so I procrastinate.
I tell myself that I deserve some free time, but then I don't know what to do with it. I wonder through the house looking for distractions that will keep me away from the computer. It sits on my desk amid all my notes and stares back at me with it large accusing eye. I feel guilty.
I tell myself, it doesn't really matter. Oprah and Ellen will probably never call me for an interview. Hollywood is not knocking down my door to make a blockbuster movie out of one of my novels. But the truth is, it matters to me. I have always wanted to write. I knew it took time and sacrifice...anything worthwhile does. More than anything, I wanted my writing to be my legacy to my children and grandchildren. I can't leave them a fortune in real estate or stocks and bonds, but I can leave them the gift of experience and the wisdom I have gained over a lifetime. This is really what I hope to convey to those who read my work...a glimpse into the patterns of behavior that shape who we are as human beings.
Soooo...when I think of it that way, it's almost selfish of me to sit here on my pity pot and avoid the work I feel I was called to do.
It's time to get busy.
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